Dave Barry

They may be face to face, virtual, one to ones, team, planning, reviewing or strategising, the list is never ending.  Meetings dominate the lives of many, and yet when asked to articulate their feelings towards these get togethers, people’s dialogue is rarely overflowing with enthusiasm.  

A good meeting is one where there is a sense of purpose both on arrival and departure, and this is achieved by getting the basics right.  

• Pre-meeting papers – these should be submitted to the attendees at least 24 hours before the meeting
• Agenda – An agenda that is copied and pasted week in week out, will become white noise and is likely to be ignored. If you want to evaluate the attention that is paid to your agenda this simple experiment may help. Edit one of the usual items that appears e.g. Item 4 may typically be Financial Update, replace this with A visit from Coco the Clown and see how many people notice this amendment – the number is likely to be less than 50%.  My suggestion  is to create an agenda that has interest: ‘Financial Update’ could become ‘How we have hit our cost saving targets goals for March’, you could use a motivational statement at the top of the agenda, even a different font or colour is likely to get more attention!
• Environment – Try and mix up the location or, if this is not possible, ask people to change the place that they sit.  If you are having a meeting of less than 30 minutes, consider no chairs – stand and talk.  
• Walk & Talk – Aside from the obvious benefits of exercise and daylight there are other pluses. The side to side body position naturally reduces the intense eye contact that can occur in a face to face encounter across a desk, and can provide the space and time for people to speak more openly.
• Laptops – There will be some occasions when there is benefit in people taking digital notes, referencing papers, etc; however, there will be others when having a laptop open, disengaging from the meeting and doing your own thing is downright rude.  So as a basic rule – if the meeting is based on fact and intellect then yes; if the topic is sensitive or has an emotional undercurrent then no
• Timing – Too many meetings start late, too many overrun and too many simply do not get everything done. If one person turns up 10 minutes late and there are six people attending, it does not take a genius to work out that an hour has been lost by the collective.  If you have a culture of hour-long back to back meetings, try and ensure that some of these start at ten past the hour and finish at ten to the hour – all of a sudden you have reclaimed 20 minutes – 30% of your time.  It is also probable that you will achieve just as much in a focused 40 minutes as you would in the hour.  
• Completion – How often is it that item 1 on the agenda gets 90% of the meeting time and then items 2, 3, 4 and 5 are squeezed into 10 minutes.  A meeting that overruns may suit you, but how is that impacting on everyone else in the room? Having someone to control the time can help. Ideally not the Chairperson, a ‘time monitor’ will help police the minutes and ensure that each agenda item runs to time.  
• Energy – Whilst not ideal, whether triggered by crisis or content, an all-day meeting is sometimes required.  If this is the case you should think how the energy, across the group, can be maintained for such a duration.  Regular breaks, hydration, getting up and moving and creating clear focus around what the meeting will look to cover in the next hour are all tactics that can help.  Do not let the meeting drift.
• Chairperson – There are some meetings where there will be greater benefit in the leader contributing as a participant rather than chairing. Being the hierarchical head does not automatically demand that you dictate the proceedings of a meeting.  
• Right people for the right occasion – If agendas can adapt then so can the participants; there is no harm in asking people whether they feel that their presence is required at every meeting.  It could be that their time would be best spent elsewhere, so as long as good communications are in place (minutes, conversations or even a recording of a zoom session) absence in person does not mean exclusion from the subject.  

Creating a Communication Culture

Meetings are part of every organisation’s culture, so spending some time to draw up ‘rules of engagement’ can provide benefit to all.  Before dictating a policy, try to get insight from a range of people and maybe start by showing a degree of vulnerability.  Using an opening gambit of ‘I don’t think meetings are working, what do you think we should do’ is unlikely to stimulate open conversation in the same way as ‘I am not sure I have got meetings right recently, and sometimes find myself feeling a little flat afterwards.  Are you okay to provide three ideas that you think would make us all feel more energised?’  

By using language that reflects your feelings, rather than your thinking, you are likely to engage people, so that they are working with you, rather than feeling they have yet another chore to complete. It is also worth noting that you rarely get a rebuttal when asking for help!  

Once the ideas are in, discuss them as a group, agree upon the best way forward and then look to implement an experiment.  Experiments are great things to run in a corporate organisation, they are not a policy or procedure, more a way of exploring best future practice.  Experiments can fail, they can be tweaked, but they do not put excessive pressure on the creation of perfect at the first time of asking.  Remember to set a time frame for the experiment and ensure that it is reviewed by the group that designed it.  It could be that meetings are now a roaring success and a new way of working has been unearthed; it could be that there are some tweaks that need to be done, and occasionally the experiment could have been a disaster and total recalibration needs to take place.  Whatever the outcome, an experiment should never be seen as a waste of time.

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If people are asked to define stress, they often use negative language:  an inability to cope, being out of control, anxious and overloaded are typical words and phrases that are regularly used. They will talk about the detrimental impact to their health and many will admit a change in their day to day behaviour. Some people become louder, whilst others become more introverted; some will eat more, whilst others can’t bear the thought of food; and for many there is greater interaction and dependence on alcohol or recreational drugs.  

As friendships are often built on typical behaviours, these changes can create tension and put strain on the social bonds, which can falter or possibly even break.  

And there is one other relationship that can suffer; for when we are stressed it is not just the ability to be nice to others that dissipates – many people will find it hard to be nice to themselves.

However, if the same people who have given the negative responses already listed, are asked whether stress can be good, the majority suggest that the answer is yes – not too much, but there is a general acknowledgement that a certain degree of stress is useful when it comes to effectively functioning in life.

Both views are correct, but it is an interesting observation on human nature that, when thinking about the word stress, the majority default to a negative mindset. 

One of the challenges that exists is to create a more balanced view to the word and with that in mind I lean towards a definition that simply states that stress is a response to demand.  The response could be good, it could be bad: it may be physical, psychological, emotional or behavioural, extreme or minimal, but it is simply a response to the load that is going through our body and brain at a moment in time.  

The other factor we need to consider when creating a more balanced dialogue around the word stress, is the concept of cause and effect.  Too often this is simplified, and we assume that the same stressor will lead to the same response.  Due to the complexity of human beings and our ever-changing moods this just simply does not happen.  For example, if you are stuck in a traffic jam, it may result in you ranting and raving, honking your horn and slapping the dashboard in frustration whilst the same event, at another time may not be a problem at all.  The stressor is the same but due to your emotional volatility, your response can vary massively.  This inconsistency in response is what makes stress so complex.

The Physiology of Stress: 

Whilst there is a variation in what stresses one person to another, or indeed the same person on one day compared to another, if we do feel stressed the physiological response will be consistent for all.  Whether the danger is tangible e.g. being confronted by a snake or generated in your own psyche e.g. walking down a dark alley late at night, the response is the rapid release of adrenaline and noradrenaline.  Adrenaline will dilate the tubes in our lungs, accelerate heart rate and elevate blood pressure meaning that greater amounts of oxygen can be pumped through the body. Noradrenaline inhibits the activity of the parasympathetic nervous system resulting in the pupil of the eye becoming dilated, something that will enhance vision, and the volume of blood flowing to the gut will be reduced and diverted to muscles.  We are instantly preparing for ‘fight or flight’.  

In emergencies, thanks to the speed of release in adrenaline and noradrenaline, we have an instantaneous ability to respond.  Of equal note is the fact that these chemicals have a half-life of two to three minutes, meaning that shortly after the stressor is removed, the physiological changes to blood pressure, heart rate, etc are reversed. 

In summary, a sudden burst of adrenaline is fine, in fact many people enjoy the buzz that it can provide.  However, if stress becomes excessive, then the short-term gain is replaced by a longer-term health risk. 

Stress in excess

So, if stress can be good for us why does it seem to be at the root of so many problems?  The answer is that there is a ‘tipping point’; a point where the loads that are placed on our bodies and brains outweigh the coping mechanisms that we may have at our disposal. In simple terms, our systems become fatigued; physical and mental capability diminishes and, in many cases, poor health can be the end result.  If someone is placed under a one off but significant load, such as a bereavement or being made redundant, they may hurtle towards the tipping point.  At other times the tipping point slowly creeps up on us, as a multitude of low level stressors slowly build up, gradually increasing the strain on our system before, one day, the final straw is placed upon the camel’s back and, boom, we break.

A useful analogy to use is a physics experiment that I remember doing at school.  The task was to gradually increase the load placed on a spring, observe what happened to the spring and draw a graph – appropriately called a stress/strain curve.  Low level loads made no difference and the spring did not budge; then, as the load increased, the spring started to stretch, before eventually the load became too much, and it broke. 

The other point that we had to make a note of, was when the load had permanently affected the recoil property of the spring.  Between each incremental increase in load, all of the weights would be removed, and we had to observe whether the spring returned back to its previous position.  If it did then the property of elastic recoil was still present, but there comes a moment, prior to breakage, when the load results in a permanent change known as plastic deformity. 

In many ways human beings are similar to this.  Initially, they can function perfectly well with a certain amount of load but, if the load exceeds their resilience capacity, more permanent scars can appear; and if the stress becomes excessive, people can break either in their performance or their health or both.  

This analogy is simple and many people relate to it, however, as humans are so much more complicated than springs, we need to consider a couple of caveats.  Firstly, the differences in DNA, learning experiences, environments and emotions are considerable – whereas the structure of a spring is constant there are too many variables in human beings.  Secondly, the experiment features one type of load that pulls on the spring in one direction – if only life was as simple as this!  Loads come at us from many directions and in many formats – from emotional, to intellectual, to physical, to environmental we are challenged in many ways.

Not only do we have to understand the varying loads of life, we need to understand the variations in ‘the springs’ that are being loaded and understand how bodies, brains and behaviours are influenced.

*       https://www.hse.gov.uk/statistics/dayslost

**     https://osha.europa.eu/en/publications/literature_reviews/calculating-the-cost-of-work-related-stress-and-psychosocial-risks

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Carl Jung

Many years ago, I used the physiological monitor with a nurse who specialised in cancer care. She was feeling tired and low on energy and wanted to understand how she was dealing with the demands of work, life away from it and evaluate how effectively she was recovering.  

On one of the days, she had to deliver a clinic where patients would be updated on their treatment, their progress, and their prognosis. This is a tough day at the office; one that we both thought would be high on stress.  

The graph below shows the physiological status of the autonomic nervous system on the day of the clinic:

The data shows that the clinic, which took place in the afternoon, was not draining the nurse at all – in fact, it could be said that the opposite was true and that it was energizing her. However, it also shows poor quality sleep, and the ensuing conversation opened my eyes up to the importance of looking at things with ‘eyes wide open’.

Both the nurse and I were surprised to see the physiological response whilst delivering tough messages to patients. However, the more I measure people if they are doing something that is closely aligned to their values and competencies, in an environment where they are happy and comfortable, and with colleagues that they trust, a restorative physiological effect is often seen.

The second gem I took away from this reading came from a discussion we had about sleep – it went something like this:

Nurse: My sleep is not very good is it

Me: Well I have certainly seen better.  

Nurse: Why do you think that is?

Me: It could be that the challenges from the clinic are having an impact?  Maybe there is a latent affect and you are struggling to detach from work?

Nurse (after some thought): I am not sure that is the case.  I have done that clinic for many years and feel that I am good at separating myself away from it.

Me: What did you do in the evening when you got home?

Nurse: I would have been doing some reading and a bit of writing.

Me: Tell me more about that

Nurse: I’ve got to get my Ph.D submitted in a few weeks time, so I am frantically working on that. Oh, and yes, I remember the date now, I was travelling to China the next day, so I was sorting things out for this trip too.

This conversation taught me a couple of invaluable lessons.  Firstly, don’t jump to the obvious, both of us had thought the clinic would have been the toughest part of the day, but from a physiological point of view it was not. 

Having seen thousands of days of data it is so often the submaximal stressors, the one’s that nag away underneath the surface, that can create significant challenge.  The big stuff you are likely to see, process, and move on from; it is often the smaller challenges, that can slip through your conscience, that end up being the catalyst for fatigue. 

So, evaluating life with depth and breadth is required if you want to seek out the annoyances as well as the catastrophes. How often do you ask yourself the following three questions?

• How am I looking after myself physically and mentally?
• How am I looking after what is important to me?
• What are the challenges that are getting under my skin at the moment?

The second lesson learnt, related to the physiological response seen when someone was doing something that was aligned with personal values and mission.  Many companies have a mission statement to describe their intent and modus operandi, but how many individuals can, in the same way, truly articulate what is important to them? Coming up with your version is a worthwhile exercise and is a great way of reminding yourself what really makes you tick. 

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Why is it that going to the gym twice a week, reading one book a month, or leaving work on time seems so appealing and attainable on 1st January and yet, for many, is nigh on impossible four weeks later?  Why do we find it so hard to deliver the dream?  In some instances, the goal may have been unrealistic, and defeat has become an inevitability consequence; however, for others, the inertia is often due to the lack of focus, accountability, and emotional attachment.

Having a method around goal setting and reviewing can help.  The SMART methodology was first described by John Doran and over the years has been adapted in several ways; for example, Realistic is sometimes replaced with Relevant and more recently the acronym has been extended to SMARTER with the additional letters promoting the themes of Evaluation and Re-Adjustment.  

Building on this, I use the mnemonic SMARTIES, that incorporates a couple of themes that can be important.

Let’s work through an example:

 ‘I want to be healthier’ is not an uncommon goal – in fact, I am not sure there are many who would veer away from this wish.  Unfortunately, it is so vague, the words become meaningless; the statement needs to be qualified.

The qualifying questions start by homing in and creating some meaning:

Specific – What does being healthier mean to that person?  Is it losing weight?  Exercising more? Reducing absence from work?  Without clarity, any progress made will be arrived at through chance rather than judgement.

Measurable – If the goal is losing weight – how much? Exercise more often – how often? Reduce sickness absence – to what?

Adaptable – Sometimes progress is better or quicker than expected, whilst at other times it can be tougher.  There is no harm in adjusting the goal posts and resetting the vision, especially if the other option is to give up. For example, if you have suffered an injury how will you adapt your goal of exercising more?

Realistic – Being healthier is a realistic goal for most.  Running 100 metres in under 10 seconds is within the capabilities of only a few.  The goal must be in line with reality!

Timebound – Clarity around when the goal will be achieved is required to avoid drift and create motivation. E.g. when will the weight be lost by?

Inspected – When and how are you going to pause and see how you are progressing and who else can provide help in keeping you accountable. E.g. I will weigh myself every two weeks, reveal the result to a friend and set a new fortnightly goal.

Ego – How much has the goal come from within as opposed to being forced upon you?  I often ask people to provide a score out of ten that indicates how important the outcome is to them.  If the score is less than eight, then failure or disengagement will be on the horizon.  The next step must be in creating the emotional attachment that will anchor the person to the action.  

Separation – A similar question is used but instead of thinking how important success is to you, ask how important is it to others?  Ideally both scores should be high; if there is a gap between the two then some work will need to be done on alignment before taking the first step.

SMARTIES highlights the term emotional attachment, something that needs to be addressed before unleashing yourself on a path of action. Taking time to think through and create understanding around why this is important to you is time well spent. Ask yourself the question why or, better still, ask someone who knows you well to pose the question. If you can push your thinking beyond the soundbite and unearth the real reason, you will have a chance of creating the glue between your wish and your actions.  

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Defined by The Cambridge English Dictionary as ‘a group of people either living in one particular area, or considered a unit because of their common interests, social group, ethnicity or nationality’ the word community reaches far and wide – it can mean pretty much anything, yet it often amounts to nothing.  

In this article I haven’t tried to develop the meaning of the word but have taken a look at three different ways that we can interact with it. 

Community Giving relates to pounds and pennies, a financial transaction that is made either by an individual or an organisation. A key catalyst for ‘community giving’ occurred in 1984 when Sir Bob Geldof staged the Live Aid concerts in London and Philadelphia.  Moved by the poverty and starvation in Ethiopia, Geldof brought together an array of stars from the world of music and put on a show, televised to millions, the like of which had never been seen before.  

Whilst the event was spectacular, it was the emotional pleas and the use of film to show the devastation that pulled at the emotional heart strings of so many people.  Delivered in a concentrated time frame the message was raw, challenging and gnawed away at the conscience; suddenly charity was not nice, and the wallets of the masses opened up.

Community Supporting is an interaction that is no longer about money. You may be an accountant who is happy to give up some time to help oversee the finances of your child’s youth club, or you may be someone who marshals at the local park run.  The commodity has now become time or knowledge.

Many organisations who have traditionally delivered their ‘corporate social responsibility’ strategy through the donation of money are starting to complement this with non-financial support; examples may include committing a team of people for a day to tidy up the local park.  This is seen as a win / win.  The action is clearly good for the environment, and there will be benefits for the organisation too. 

Community Being

The investment of time and money are straight forward; however, the concept of ‘being’ is much more nebulous and  tougher to explain.  Fabian Pfortmuller, co-founder of The Together Institute, suggests that for all the dialogue around shared interest, purpose, intent and togetherness, if a ‘fully trusting relationship’ is not present then the soul of the community is absent.  My view is that whilst ‘community being’ may still involve money and time, it is centred around people who have a mutual sense of purpose and are bound by reliability, acceptance and safety.  

Community being is something that makes you solid on the outside and smile on the inside.

An Example of Community Being

In 2005 I moved out of London and headed 20 miles north to the city of St Albans. There are many ways to integrate with the local community, but with children aged nine and six the school playground was an obvious starting point, and I soon discovered the existence of a dads’ cricket team that sold itself as a collection of gentleman, players and useful chaps.

This eclectic mix turned out at least once a week and played matches against other school-inspired teams. The cricket was poor, I was poor, but there were two factors that made this so enjoyable. The first was the venue: Verulamium Park provides an appalling pitch, but is surrounded by a collection of magnificent trees and overlooked by the inspiring St Albans Cathedral – it is a beautiful place to spend a summer’s evening. The second was the camaraderie; a post-match visit to the pub furthered the bond and activities such as golf days and Christmas parties were a great way to meet new people and settle into a local community. Happy days. 

During my first season one of the members was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer; two years later he died, age 41, leaving a hole in the hearts of a wife and daughter. Inevitably, there was a sense of loss, help was offered to the family, and the community rallied around in a way that is typically seen in times of grief. 

What was interesting was that this rally, unlike so many others, didn’t dissipate and disappear – if anything it grew. A decade on and the group continues to play cricket and socialise, but the greater purpose now revolves around supporting each other, the families, and the local community. 

When I think about why this group of cricketing dads continue to do so much, I am drawn to a couple of possibilities. Firstly, human beings enjoy giving; whilst good deeds help others, they also make the giver feel good too. Secondly, the death of a friend had highlighted just how vulnerable we all are. For some, it was a catalyst for a major shift in their personal lives, for others the impact was less obvious, but for all, the event triggered the importance of togetherness. Community being can, in some ways, be considered an insurance policy – if something happens to me I know that there will be a group of people out there who will help me, and those who are important to me, as best they can.

And finally, as a pandemic highlights the importance of gloves, masks and sanitizer, and promotes health through diet and exercise; we should also consider the concept of psycho-social immunity.  Research suggests that love, laughter and connection can increase the level of lymphocytes, the blood cells that help us deal with infections; if you are looking for an additional layer of protection it may be worth exploring your ‘community being’.

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Arthur Schopenhauer

The concept of boredom rarely receives a positive press but being bored can often be the catalyst for creativity.

As organisations start to venture out of lockdown, many will be entering a moment of recalibration.  In a similar way to the start of year get together, people will come together, explore possibilities, and set out plans for recovery and adaptation.

One of the best sessions I have attended was facilitated by inventor, humourist, and creative genius Dominic Wilcox, who is without a doubt a modern-day Heath Robinson.  His credentials include the family rain poncho, no place like home GPS shoes and the stained-glass driverless sleeping car.  His ideas are bonkers, yet I learned a lot and there were two messages that really struck home.

The first was the importance of boredom, something that in today’s world is almost impossible.  With instant gratification surrounding us, from mobile phones, to computers, to watches that are both phones and computers (I think they also tell the time), to the advent of being able to shop seven days a week, our sensory matter is constantly alive.  We do not allow ourselves time to think – we are constantly stimulated.  Boredom is simply not an option.

Creating the time and space for boredom may be challenging and it may be one of those undeliberate things that you accidentally stumble across.  I doubt that Archimedes decided that taking a bath would unlock the principles of buoyancy, and if Isaac Newton consciously sat underneath a tree with the intention of defining gravity I would be amazed.  The point I am making, is that I suspect that Archimedes was totally and utterly bored whilst naval gazing in his bath, in the same way that Newton may have been musing the generalities of life, when all of a sudden a change in water levels and an apple falling triggered their imaginations.

The second message to come out of this session, was a discussion around whether it is better to create as an individual or as a group.  When asked which was best, Wilcox, who always seems to have a balanced opinion, was committed to the former.  His sentiment was that groups can often be hindered by history, procrastination, personality and posturing; whereas individuals, particularly when under the pressure of a timeline, often get on and come up with an idea.  This line of thinking resulted in some push back from the attendees, however when explained, it started to make some sense.  The argument is that a spark of imagination comes from one person’s brain and that this can then be developed further by a team of people, but if the brain is not allowed to come up with a Eureka moment there will be little material to work with.

I wonder if the real challenge to solving problems and searching for ideas is to find an environment, that is going to bring the best out of your brain.  The trouble with problem solving with the team you work with, day in day out, is that there often can be too much ‘white noise’.  Our ears and our brains accommodate to the voices and lines of thinking we are used to without truly listening, absorbing, and exploring.

Personally, I get some of my best ideas when I am out running, rarely at the start of a run, but typically after 15 or 20 minutes.  I used to think that was due to the physiological changes that are reported to happen in the grey matter when we exercise; now I wonder if there maybe another reason I get these good ideas when plodding the streets – I just find running incredibly boring! The first mile has switched my mind off from life pre-run, and towards the end of the second mile my brain is starting to revitalise with fresh thinking.  My personal challenge is then remembering the good ideas so I try to remember to tuck a pencil and bit of paper into my back pocket, and will stop and jot down a couple of words that can be used as an aide memoire on my return home.  

If you need to adopt a creative mindset, you might find it useful to indulge in the occasional bout of boredom! 

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Mindful self-compassion aims to create a balanced approach to the negative thoughts and emotions that often populate our minds.  It encourages connection and acceptance rather than simply banishing these thoughts from our minds.  Critical judgement is replaced with mindful balance so that our feelings to others and, crucially, ourselves are neither hidden nor exaggerated.

Like many of the strategies that are advocated for mental health, they can sometimes seem somewhat ‘fluffy’ and theoretical, but if one looks at the topic with some depth we start to see its benefits and will create an understanding of just how we can do it!

Kristin Neff’s Self Compassion Scale is a validated assessment for how compassionate a person is feeling about themselves and directly correlates to feelings of happiness, self-efficacy; whilst the opposite is the case for depression, anxiety and stress (Albertson et al., 2014).  This assessment is often used to see how effective an intervention has been and, when placed alongside other metrics, the evidence for the fluffy becomes a little bit more solid.  In 2018 Eriksson et al., the links between self-compassion and the symptoms of burnout and found that a simple training programme, delivered over a six-week period, improved the former and diminished the latter.

The foundations of self-compassion can be broken down into three pillars and these are the components you will need to work on.

1. Be Mindful – Maybe it is because our eyes see out of our body, that we are so much better at looking at other people than we are at understanding ourselves.  In fact, unless we look in a mirror, vision is not particularly relevant when it comes to understanding how we are doing.  We need to become more aware of how our bodies and brains are feeling.  The more mindful and aware we become of tension in muscles, our breathing, our heart rate and our thoughts, the more adaptive we can be in implementing the second and third skills.
2. Self-kindness – The key here is acceptance that sometimes we do not get things right and we need to acknowledge that it is natural to make mistakes.  This can be particularly hard for the perfectionist.  They can score 9 out of 10 in a test yet, rather than celebrating an excellent result, they will catastrophise over the absent 10%.  This person needs to create mechanisms of support rather than fester over what is a minor blip.  Instead of defaulting to the judgmental mind, they need to unlock personal gratitude.
3. Connection – Having a network of people who you can talk to when times are tough can help you see with greater clarity.  They remind us that we are not alone, that there are others who will be challenged too, and they help us to dilute some of the turmoil that rankles in our brains. Another way in which the word connection is relevant relates to the relationship we have to what is important to you. If we can live a life with actions that are closely aligned to these factors, you are likely to experience a good quality of life – the challenge for many is to identify these factors, write them down and create a definition of mission.

Over the past month there has been much talk centred around the phrase ‘It is okay to not be okay’.  Just remember that it is okay to look after yourself too!

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